After six months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. “Horrible,” he says. “They’re always yelling and screaming. I hate...how they constantly pound on the walls and stomp the floors.”“How do you get by?” she asks.“I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes,” says the Scot.A man is on trial for cannibalism. He proclaims to the judge, “Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man.”I rang work and said, “I can’t come in today, I have a wee. I woke after noon and cut the grass in our yard. When I was finished I cooled off on some lawn chairs in the shade of a tree in front of the house. My neighbor John Fleming across the street shut his lawn mower off and came over to join me. John congratulated me on the birth of our new child. I thanked him and said Fay had done all of the work. John laughed and said she could not have done it with out my help.I had been about to go inside and get a beer when John came over, I asked if he would. More

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