Just admit it, there's a power to them that you'll never have."She continued."And that's fine! Some men are just born to be Alphas. And that's agood t...ing. I mean, aren't you tired of trying to pretend to be bigand confident? Isn't it nice just to let nature take its course andselect for you? You know I'm right."I thought to myself how nice it would be if things were justdetermined up front. I was tired of trying to prove myself. Allthroughout high school I'd get frustrated that girls weren't. I wanted to lose that control, become a smoker, and tie it to my crossdressing (and being one of those girls). I finished that pack of cigarettes, then bought another. I decided to buy that same brand. Later I tried Virginia Slims and More, but I went back to the Newport Lights to emulate that first girl more. I never fully achieved that goal. I never became the habitual smoker, but do partake when dressed sometimes. In fact, I've used smoking as another psychological reinforcement for. More

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