But, in all honesty, the past couple of years things have been a bit out of sync. It’s frustrating for both of us, but most especially for my husban.... I’m shy when it comes to sex and struggle with self-esteem when it comes to my rounded body. Safe to say, he’s at the other end of the spectrum. Finding a middle ground has been our goal, but hard to achieve. With this in mind, and mad at myself for being so nervous with the need to be more adventurous, I decided to jump squarely out of my box. He raped me when I was visiting their farm. It happened twice. It is one of the reasons I married your father. He was so nice and gentle with me, and he didn't condemn me for being 'impure.' I want you to find that horrible memory and make it go away, please, Ben. If you can do that, we will know it works, and I will be shed of that horrible memory." Ok, Mom, why don't you go lie down on my bed, here, and get comfortable. Relax and think of something very pleasant and I will see if I can find. More

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