Whatever we decided, I’d be going home and it would be a long time before I could come back or she could come to the States, if that even happened. ... would be back in the same situation I had been with Birgit — a promise for the future, not a present reality. Was that kind of relationship fair to Karin at fourteen? In the end, that would have to be her decision. I’d decide what I wanted and what I needed and tell her honestly. She’d have to do the same, and we’d both have to look out for. It make me feel uncomfortable,uneasy. I can't answer half the questions she asks. I don't even know theanswers. I just want to. I want to feel the vulnerability of what I'vedone. I want to feel the shame I've put myself through. I want to bescared like I've never been scared before. I want to know there is noalternative to wearing a short skirt, high heels and boobs for a few days.I want Ty to have fun with my predicament. I want her to laugh at how I'vecornered myself. I want to learn to laugh. More

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