.I knew was going to have to break it off with Ed, and tell him something close enough to the truth for him to believe while protecting Sarah. I would...have to invent a new lover, or a crisis, or ... I realised that I would genuinely miss him. He had opened my eyes to many things, given me a musical education, an appetite for adventurous sex, and despite his typical male chauvinism, he'd always been a pretty considerate lover. The problem was that even though I was very fond of him, and I hated. I explored all the "girly" places. I wasthinking to myself "this is where I fit in now, girly" the whole time.Purely for self voyeuristic and with lustful intent I bought some skimpyunderwear. I felt a bit bad on the cab ride home, I didn't want my lifeto be just self lust but it's pretty hard to ignore my circumstances.Maybe that will wear off in time, who knows.I got home and ignored my new undies and just ate and watched TV somemore. I think it was just a "settling in" night.If you could. More

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