But something happened, during the course of those weeks that basically would shape the course we would take until this very day. As I was fucking my ...other, I started to get really vulgar and dirty in my sex talk to her. I was calling her, “slut,” “whore,” “tramp” and I noticed that my mother was getting visibly turned on by this type of talk. She would respond with greater enthusiasm, her moans and groans would get louder and louder and she began saying things like, “Give it to me, fuck me. Yet. I became shamefully innovative during this time when I was thinking of ways to null the pain. I had seen and heard so many stories about how women dealt with pain in such sick, destructive ways. But those stories were lost on me now as I was consumed in my obsession and emotional destruction. I wanted my fix. I wanted to get rid of the thoughts of him as they burned fresh in my mind. I wanted to get rid of the emotion that nearly overwhelmed me every single time I saw him with her. One. More

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