And if you were having those sorts of thoughts, I must have taken you out of submission somehow. I’m sorry for that, too”“No, you didn’t. That...��s the thing; you’d pushed me so deep that I couldn’t snap out of it even if I wanted to. I was that deep because I trusted you, and if you hadn’t gotten me out when you did, I don’t know where I’d be right now.”He held her more tightly. “My love, I know you don’t want to use your safe words, but I never meant for you to endure something so horrible.”“Yes. In short, I was getting older and more sexual, and I realized more than ever how complex were the emotional and physical needs that bound us. It was scary. It was a lot like rushing blind across the avenue the way I used to, traffic headed at me in all six lanes, not sure if or how I could make it safely to the other side--but knowing, from where I stood at that moment, I would not and could not run back.Still standing by the bed and cradling my head on her shoulder while I touched her warming. More

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