“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from ins...descreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to. I pulled on his legs to get him to slide forward on the couch and then unzipped his pants. He was wearing boxers so it was easy enough to take him out. Once I had him exposed, I simply took him in my mouth and stayed there, licking and sucking but not bobbing my head.The groan was priceless. I made no attempt to stop him from watching the TV. In fact, I unbuttoned the waist of his pants to make it more comfortable for him and just let him enjoy it.As I listened, Sarah MacKenzie (Bell's. More

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