I took the trail to the summit again and sat there, trying to make some sense of what I knew.I was a little scared of the word love. I hadn't used it ...ith anyone since Karen. To me, loving meant opening, and opening meant hurt. I had started loving Karen in ninth grade. I was naive enough then to believe that my love shielded me from harm, and then the harm came. Ostracism and taunts from fellow students for being different. Foster care because my mother wouldn't accept my choice, then the pain. When we got back to the hotel, we were hot. We made out in the elevator. When we got to her room, Alicia looked at me with breathless excitement. Her cheeks were flush and took deep breaths because her heart was racing. She said that she wanted to give me a blow job. We agreed to strip first. In a frantic rush, we took off our clothes and met on the bed. I lay on my back and she leaned over and took me in her mouth. She was not as skilled as June had been, but that did not bother me at all. More

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