When we had sex, it became clear to me that, in fact, I had never had sex before. What had happened on that futon on Great Jones had been a failed att...mpt, the young man from NYU had not completed his mission. This, now, was something else. It was uncomfortable, then pleasurable, but most of all it was different. It was different from the plodding loneliness of high school, and from the harrowing, cyclical fights with my parents that had become our routine. It wasnt boring, and it wasnt. “I am a reflection of this household and your father. If I am well trained and behaved around others, then it is because of his hard work keeping me in line. I realize that means by default, I am also a reflection upon you. If I am lazy, sloppy, selfish, cruel, vain, or inadequate, then it reflects upon you. My parents owned a car that was always sputtering out black fumes, had all sorts of dents. I rode in the car, and it was a reflection on me as well. I have a responsibility to be the best. More

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