" Yes, yes," said Monte Cristo. His visitor appeared slightly uneasy. "Let me see," said the count; "are you not the Marquis Bartolomeo Cavalcanti?" B...rtolomeo Cavalcanti," joyfully replied the Italian; "yes, I am really he." Ex-major in the Austrian service?" Was I a major?" timidly asked the old soldier."Yes," said Monte Cristo "you were a major; that is the title the French give to the post which you filled in Italy." Very good," said the major, "I do not demand more, you understand"--"Your. After untying and removing my corset (in that order, so as not to damageit, as I've been reminded countless times by my BFF) I reach into mynightstand to retrieve the small leather pouch that contains the bane ofmy existence - and, sadly, the key to me remaining an externallyanatomically correct woman. I take a deep breath as I retrieve the thickorange rod from the pouch and smear the end with lubricating jelly."I'm every woman," I mumble to myself as I point the lubricated end ofthe stent. More

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