A troll. ‘Fuck,’ I said. ‘Who let him in?’ ‘He’s wearin’ a shirt and shoes,’ Cherry pointed out. ‘What was I supposed to do?’ ‘A..., it’s not your fault, kid,’ I ruffled her hair. The sign actually did keep a number of them out. And she was as upset as I was. A troll like that could bring her average tips down below what we all call the ‘H’ line. It didn’t matter how many tips you got in total, just what your average was. There was a magic number that would have the boss smiling at the end of the. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another. More

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