H.... continued kind and tender to me; yet, with all this, I was far from happy: for, besides my regrets for my dear youth, which, though often suspen...ed or diverted, still returned upon me in certain melancholic moments with redoubled violence, I wanted more society, more dissipation.As to Mr. H.... he was so much my superior in every sense, that I felt it too much to the disadvantage of the gratitude I owed him. Thus he gained my esteem, though he could not raise my taste; I was qualified for. I took every opportunity to stare at Matthew's crotch and Nick's too, wondering if he was as well endowed as his twin.I found myself going through a complete change in my attitude towards sex. I'd had sex with a couple of my boyfriends in highschool but I had always been pretty plain jane about it. We stuck to the missionary position and I only rarely consented to giving them head. Now I was constantly fantasizing about giving head to my own cousins! And my thoughts didn't stop there. I wanted. More

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