Maybe she didn't think I was upto it. I figured my quick descent into skirts was the reason. I gave upmy gender identity quickly when I got the chance...to do something Iwanted to do. That might be it I figured.As I fetched my bosses' meals at lunch, I began to give serious thoughtto living as a man again. At that moment, I remember thinking, 'If I wasa man' before I had to laugh at myself. I was a man under my clothingafter all even if I didn't want to be one in most contexts and had nodesire to. I just shut down. Looking back, I should have been in therapy, but we didn’t have the money, and it never occurred to them at the time. Aunt Elsa was the first thing that had sparked my interest since the accident. When I was twelve and seeing her regularly, I opened up and told her about it. She held me for two hours while I cried myself out. To lose a sibling that young is hard enough, but a twin? It was like half of me died with her. It started out slowly. I sent her a homemade birthday. More

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