We had the world’s most peaceful divorce. Liz’s friend and co-worker, Brooke, agreed to be a lawyer for both of us, and expedited the process. Li... was a bit of a packrat, and that was part of our problems. I was meticulous, and enjoyed order, while she spread out over every horizontal surface. I took only my clothes and a few possessions when I moved out, and there was no fight over who got what. Liz kept the stuff. Money was split evenly, and I had my best friend back. By far, the biggest. “I do not agree with all of it but I am only a lowly guard. Regulations strictly prohibit me from discoursing with you. But no specimen is ever harmed. Not irreparably.”As though never hearing of a regulation that prohibited guards from speaking to specimens, this Extraterrestrial Guard added, “I swear, of all the planets I have traveled and of all the inhabitants I have encountered, you of the earth, you earthlings, really are the most… the most… no other sentient beings complicate things more. More

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