. secret love that I knew could never be.For that, in truth, was what I felt; I loved him. And not in the manner of a normal mother, oh, no! In the ma...ner of a woman and a man. I wanted him to protect me as I cared for him, to warm my bed, to prove his love for me on my body. I lost count of how many times I had sobbed myself to sleep knowing the impossibility of my dreams, or tried to work it out of my system by masturbating and imagining I was with someone, anyone else. It never worked,. When we went out to look at that thing the first time, it looked like a monster, big and shiny. Took four months and then we flew a squadron first to Hickman and then to Guam. I flew out of Guam until the end of the war. They were still killing Japs out of the caves and tunnels the whole time we were there,” Crash said.“You fight in the mess in the middle east?” Crash asked.“I went from the academy to the Vietnam rice patties. Spent a few years in Korea after Nam; I was getting ready to give it. More

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