I have a roll of paper towels stashed under my bed and pretty much every night, I blow one or two massive loads into a couple of paper towels. I learn...d at an early age that it got terribly messy if I tried to blow my load into anything less than at least two or three layers of heavy-duty paper towel. Jerking off with Kleenex was a joke. When I was much younger, I tried jerking off into some Kleenex and my load blasted right through the stuff and hit the wall. Then I tried using a paper towel. .”But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that!”“What do you mean?” she replied.So I told her, “You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I’ll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.”She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the. More

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