"Nothing," he replied, and as he returned the call he braced himself forwhat was coming."Is this Kip?" Yeah, who is this?" This is, um, Zippy at the N...rhtern Christmas Institute of Spirit..." And?" Kip asked, a little annoyed that he was obviously was talking to arookie."Well, we seem to be picking up a D45 in your vicinity."Kip had been working with the NCIS for the last two years, but he hadnever heard the term before. "What the elf is a D45?" Oh Santa! A D45?" Jilly asked from behind. The slight wrinkles and sagging of her middle-aged body tightened and smoothed, revealing the decades of athleticism beneath her. Her soft tummy became a washboard, her arms became sculpted, her back became a splendor of shadowed muscles, and her pelvis was drawn with two dramatic lines. And there, at the convergence of those lines, my mother grew a penis. It was small at first, barely larger than my pinky, but it ballooned and lengthened, inflating from her crotch until it waggled between her. More

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