I have lived as a straight man all my life with many girlfriends, several wives and stepchildren, but if I had the nerve, I would have preferred to li...e the "queer life." I was sexual with all these women and I was a good lover, but I always had a yen for men. More than once I had to use the fantasy of sex with a man to get off with my female lovers.I started exploring my homosexuality when I was thirty-five. I would go to my favorite adult theater, "The Paradise," to watch gay porn and have. While I was lying there, all of a sudden, a cold feeling came over me. I shivered and I didn't know why. But I felt there was something not exactly the way it should be.Then I realized there were some changes in the light which I could realize even through my closed eyes. It was a kind of shadow. Somehow I was afraid of opening my eyes, but I became aware that I would have to open my eyes sooner or later. And I did.My heart stopped beating, as a stranger man in dirty leather clothes and black. More

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