"It's something in me that ... Maybe I feel I don't deserve the life I've had, the good luck, the money ... maybe I feel guilty for what happened with...me and Sarah the first time, and I need to be punished for fucking up her life ... but to be honest, I had the same tendencies even before we were lovers, I just hadn't learned how to express them. I'm just one of those strange people who enjoy sexual pain, and ... humiliation ... and excess ... as a kind of antidote. Like a chemical balance in. Other times we would be stripped and remained that way until we were told differently or we went to bed for the night. As a result, our sense of modesty about either our bodies being exposed or the use of our bodies evaporated steadily over those early weeks.The next change came about a week after that. The room that we girls used for our room was taken away from us. The men now had their own rooms and the Jacob, the youngest, moved his stuff into the room that had been ours. To make room for. More

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