“Blessed be the Lord God of Israel,” I said quietly in Russian when he opened the door.“For he has visited and redeemed his people.” He replie... in Russian completing the verse. All of our conversations were in Russian, even though I knew English; I hadn’t spoken or even thought in the language for over 15 months.I told him that I had a message from his parents and grandparents.Opening the door wider he said, “Come in, please.”As I stepped into the apartment I noticed that he was wearing a towel. As time passed, I found that I’d become more tolerant, more comfortable with the things I thought about, even excepting, if not embracing them at times.I found that late at night when I was alone in my bed, that somewhere along the line these forbidden thoughts and images turned into welcomed dreams and yearnings, even fantasies.At first I shamefully tried to suppress the urge but found it useless most times. I told myself that nothing would ever come of such thoughts and desires and wondered. More

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