A 40 year old man answered. He stood about 6'1", 195 lbs. with short brown hair and a goatee. It was obvious that he had a good build. I didn't quite ...now what to do or say. Luckily he knew that I was new to this whole thing. He had a mixture of Crystal Method and Lords of Acid playing in his CD changer. He knew I liked to get off to this music because I had told him through email. I thought that set the tone perfectly. I remember this feeling of intense eagerness in my stomach. It was. Yet the one constant in my universe was gone, my Polaris had vanished, and I was adrift in a patternless sea of stars. I couldn’t find my way through the chaos, because the patterns I saw in this new sky were obscured by memory. I looked at everything and saw nothing, and in the seeing I felt very, very small. It was, you see, my first trip without Ruth. We’d made that first voyage together a year ago, finally getting a taste of the life we’d scrimped and saved for all our lives, started a. More

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