" "Shut up. Remember it was my bet. And besides it isn't really sex. I mean, I don't want to have sex with you. Well, not really. I want to . . . well.... . . I always wanted to try . . . I want to suck you . . . uh . . . give you a blow job . . . that's not really sex, so . . . it's . . . well . . . I won the bet, right?" I was trapped by my own promise. I was also trapped by the sight of her milky smooth breasts that were slowly becoming visible, right in front of me. As she talked, her fingers. I couldn't hate her. I know now, of course, why I couldn't hate her – some people can hate someone they're in love with, but I'm just not built that way. I didn't realize that at the time, though. The bizarre arrangement, the strange story of our relationship had walled my feelings off deep inside myself and hidden them under layers of fear, self-delusion – and an honest wish not to hurt Diane, or make her life more complex or difficult than it needed to be.At almost any other time in my life,. More

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